SALMON
Anyone who goes to a typical supermarket in Finland will be surprised to find a case full of Omega 3 goodness: smoked salmon smoked at different temperatures, cooked salmon, raw salmon, and other healthy goodies including a plethora of rye bread, and butter so creamy it has the consistency of cream cheese. I don't even really like butter that much, but I LOVE me some Finnish butter. Not to mention, Finnish tap water is some of the best in the world. Over various kinds of smoked salmon dinner at my friend Carita's house in Tampere (the third largest city in Finland), we chatted about happiness WITH her hubby Janne (who had prepared the dinner for us):

Me: Finnish people were ranked the #1 country for Happiness by the World Happiness Report in 2018 and again in 2019. 2018 marked the first time that they had actually asked the international migrants of 117 of the 156 countries as well. At my book launch party in Helsinki, my friend Tarja brought up the fact that while Finnish people are set up for happiness, think welfare/healthcare/maternity leave/and so on, they aren't really happy. What do you think?

Janne: Well, I think we are just happy with what we have. I mean, it wasn't so long ago that we didn't have much. 

Carita: Yeah, we have everything we need here. We are proud of our house. People in our neighborhood come by and they share knowledge about how to fix things. There's no competition or keeping things from each other about how to make our house better. We are very proud of what we have.

SAUNAS
In Finland there are approximately 5.5 million people and 2 million saunas. WHAT?! You can read about the sauna culture in Finland here. Most Finnish people have saunas in their homes or in their backyards like Carita and Janne. While we were chatting at dinner, he quietly snuck out to prepare the sauna for us to enjoy. In between dinner and dessert, we stripped down naked--not just without clothes--but without any kind of mental filters, and shared our deepest secrets WITH each other. She told me about her life before she had met Janne and I told her about my mom's dementia. To cool off, we went outside. The Finns traditionally jump into a cold lake; in this instance since it might have been too much for me, we chatted more under the stars just outside her sauna.

Perhaps that is where the bonding time comes not just WITH themselves, but WITH other people. It is so embedded in the fabric of Finnish culture, my friend Ilkka has told me that he often has original ideas and epiphanies during his own sauna time WITH himself.

SISU (WITH A PINCH OF SALT)
Breakfast
"I am not like other Finns--I don't really care what others think of me," Tiina admitted. She was a life coach and had lost her husband several years ago. In her Winning Mindset workshop that I attended two days before, she talked about how her elementary school teacher had told her she was "stupid" over a period of five years until it became a limiting belief. With a sometimes over-critical mom, I could totally empathize WITH her. We began talking about Sisu, the Finnish notion of "Grit." I told her about my friend Emilia (whom I write about in my book too), and how she had run the equivalent of 50 marathons across the length of New Zealand to raise awareness of InterPersonal Violence--something she had overcome in her own life. I remember meeting Emilia in Palo Alto and how she told me, "You know, this movement is so much bigger than me. My body is just the vessel." 

Afternoon Tea
Over tea and korvapuusti (the Finnish answer to the cinnamon roll), I spoke WITH Aida. She was a motivational speaker who had survived the war in Sarajevo and was now battling her own daily "wars" WITH grace, positivity, and deep insight. As her 8 year-old son Daris affectionately hugged me, I listed to her take on the Finns, " Well, you know, I have lived here for 25 years, and I love Finland. I am not saying anything bad about Finnish people, but they try not to step on people's toes, so they often don't say what they need to say and repress it." Perhaps too much Sisu was not necessarily a good thing as Emilia says in this BBC article.

BALANCE (BEGINS AT 5PM)
Over a quick catch up at a Middle Eastern-Scandinavian restaurant, Ilkka and I broke bread together. I asked him how he was doing and he said, "Hilma (his 5 year-old daughter) is doing well. She is still ice-skating. Work is going really well. I have more balance now." He was referring to how he can leave work at 5PM, pick up Hilma from ice-skating and spend more time WITH his family. I recalled how Carita (who runs a startup) told me how she and her team usually leave at 5PM. And Tarja telling me how she would pick blueberries in the forest for her smoothies when walking her dog. It got me thinking: maybe it was the system that allowed for happiness, but perhaps it was up to the person to really balance all of the elements that go into Finnish-ing Happy: salmon, sauna, and sisu.

*Thank you Finnish friends and Finland for inspiring all of us to Finnish happier.*

"What are some Happiness tips?" This is one of the number 1 questions I get on a regular basis, whether at my workshops or from my clients. So I decided to include some of my happiness tips here WITH a caveat: they have worked for me, they may or may not work for you; create your own though, you know? May these inspire you to create not just happiness tips, but happiness in your life on a daily basis.

Yay!

Oh also since we humans remember things in 3s, each tip combines 3 words.

1. COMPARE + DESPAIR
We have all been there: Compare and despair land. Well, social media helps us get there faster. We all have that one friend who travels all the time, has a seemingly perfect life, never has to work, yada yada. When I ran in my first 100m dash as an elementary student, my mom gave me some of the best race advice and life advice I could have asked for: "When you run, Kyla, don't look at the other kids. Just look straight. You'll run faster that way." Boy, did I run. My pigtails were flying behind me, and that was the first race I ever won! Now that I am an avid researcher on happiness, what I have found out from neuroscience research is that when we compare ourselves to others, (because there is no one out there quite like our unique awesome selves!) we actually perform worse than if we were to compare ourselves WITH ourselves. Whoa.

2. DO NOT LABEL
Right before I was due to leave Japan after having lived there for 3 years, at a night club in Roppongi, I had my handbag stolen. I will spare you the details of all the drama that ensued. However, one curious thing that happened at the police station when I reported it went something like this:

Me: My handbag was stolen tonight.
Police Officer: Ok, what brand was your handbag? Like Louis Vuitton? Prada?
Me: No brand.
Police Officer: What? 
Me: There was no brand. My mom bought it in an alleyway in Hong Kong, I think.
Police Officer: Wait, so what brand?

And so it goes in life, we have this obsession with labeling things: tall, short, ugly, beautiful, black, white, sad, happy, and the list goes on. With situations that come up in life, we tell ourselves, this is terrible or this is depressing. What if we just accepted it for what it was neutrally, and called it a day?

3. AVOIDANCE | SURVIVAL | GROWTH
This I learned recently in my Happiness course online: in every situation we face, we can choose these three ways to face it: avoidance, survival or growth. Most of us usually spend our time in the AVOIDANCE zone. You know, when you decide to go shopping or binge watch that Netflix show instead of addressing what's really going on? (No judgments. I got wayyyy into Narcos.) Then there's the SURVIVAL zone where you're kind of just treading water. The zone to strive for is GROWTH. How do you GROW in every situation you face and help not just yourself GROW but as many people around you as possible?

4. INHALE + EXHALE
Yes, breathing is FREE. We all know about meditation and mindful breathing. There are numerous benefits of both: increased attention span, reduces stress, helps to control anxiety, and the list goes on. I had always imagined that I had to live in some remote village, sit cross-legged in that village and meditate for hours overlooking some deep canyon for any of this to even come to pass. Turns out, just 10 minutes of meditation (anywhere) can do the trick. There is a way to breathe properly, I learned at the World Happiness Summit in March this year. Imagine there is an elevator going from the bottom of your abdomen to the top of your head, breathe through your nostrils (not your mouth), and repeat as often as possible! When you're waiting for your friend to show up for lunch, instead of pulling out your phone, BREATHE!

5. SHIFT YOUR FRAME
"My boss is an asshole, my boss is an asshole, my boss is an asshole..." I often hear clients repeat the same thing over and over again. I hear myself in them. I get it. One of the tools from the Science of Happiness is called Frame Shifting, where you start looking at your challenge/issue from a different angle/perspective. So for example, rather than focusing on "my boss is an asshole" consider "why is this coming up for me and what can I do about it?" Try zooming out of the challenge/issue and seeing the bigger picture as much as possible. It will help you move from the WHAT of the challenge/issue to the WHY.

6. HYGGE/LAGOM/SOHWAKHEANG
Three new words for you here. Hygge is the Danish word for "coziness." Did you know that Danish people use more candles per capita than any other nation? It is this obsession with hygge. Lagom is the Swedish word for "balance" which literally means "just the right amount" in all things: work-life balance, health, gender (they are always in the top 5 for gender equality in the world), and they even created something called "plogging" (jogging + plucking) where you jog and pick up trash as you go (!). Sohwakhaeng in Korean means "small but certain happiness." In a recent movie called "Little Forest" a girl moves out to a more rural town in Korea, grows and eats her own veggies, and starts enjoying the "small but certain happiness" in life. So why 3 new vocab words? Well, it turns out that when we learn new words we actually sharpen our mind, boost brain power, enhance decision-making and much more! You're welcome!

7. DON'T BELIEVE THOUGHTS
You know that famous expression, "You are what you eat"? Here's another one for you: "You are what you think." Did you know that the average human has 60,000 thoughts per day? And of those thoughts 80% are negative and 95% of those negative thoughts repeat? Yeah, that's why whenever you're in a situation, you believe the worst will come true. As much as we would like to believe that we have evolved with our ever-changing society fueled by the latest tech gadgets and gizmos, we are actually just hunters and gatherers in brain: if there is a lion, we run. If there is no food, we hunt somewhere else. Nowadays we are primed for lions, but not the dull daily stress of that nagging boss, or that toxic co-worker, so the stress just stays with us.

8. JUST DO IT!
I realize this slogan from Nike is more controversial these days than ever thanks to Colin Kaepernick. Whatever the case, one way out of #7 is to literally get out of your head and JUST DO SOMETHING, ANYTHING. At the end of my workshops, we come up with H.A.P.s (Happiness Action Plans)--incidentally, the first 3 letters of the word HAPPY! Thank you for indulging the inner word nerd in me. But in all seriousness, what's that one thing that you have been meaning to do? That one thing that you have been meaning to start? You've got this!

9. YOU ARE ENOUGH
You may recall a blog post I wrote about these three words that pulled me out of the depths of my depression and keep me from going back there. Everyone needs a mantra, daily affirmations, what have you. These three words sit right in front of me in my home office as a reminder that I am enough, that I was brain washed into thinking I wasn't enough by society, by family, by bullies, and most importantly my thoughts kept those thoughts swirling in my head for decades. What's your mantra that will bring you back to life?

10. SUCCESS -> HAPPINESS?
So in life we strive, and strive, and strive until we get things like a promotion, a car, a raise, whatever. Sometimes at the expense of our own mental/physical health. Do you ever play the "I'll be happy WHEN" game? I'll be happy when... I get the above-mentioned things? Well, don't. What we know from research is that contrary to popular belief and what we are told, the equation looks more like this: HAPPINESS -> SUCCESS.  What are you waiting for? Go get your HAPPINESS on!

​Connection and Purpose
 
Kate Spade
At a Vietnamese dinner with two young Asian fementrepreneurs I had my blue Kate Spade sunglasses out on the table--the only Kate Spade thing I have ever owned, which was gifted by my parents in part to help distract my mom from a meltdown at the optometrist’s office (she doesn’t like dealing with doctors of any kind in the U.S.). At that point, we already knew of my mom’s dementia, and that perhaps it was triggered by her depression and living alone in Singapore after my Popo’s (maternal grandmother in Cantonese) passing.
 
That night at dinner, completely engaged in the conversation, I didn’t notice that when my sunglasses had fallen, a part of the hinge broke off leaving the sunglasses to bend funny.
 
In the days that followed, I would discover that Kate Spade herself had taken her own life because of depression.
 
Star Wars
At a workplace happiness bootcamp in Mumbai, whenever they played the iconic Star Wars’ themed music, all of us had to get together and connect to each other by placing one finger on the palm of whoever was closest to us…until we were all connected. Over the course of the three days, we talked about how to make workplaces happier. On day 2, I noticed a lot of people were getting frustrated: they wanted best practices, they wanted answers, they wanted a cheat sheet of what worked for other companies. It’s like when you take a course at university, and rather than learning and figuring out how to study, the importance of studying, you just get your roommate to give you all of the answers not ever fully comprehending what the course was about in the first place.
 
In an exercise on gratitude, I looked around at the Indian men at my table: they had come from different parts of India, from the north, east, south, and west. They were responsible for bringing back what they had learned from the bootcamp to their company, and in a way, I was somewhat responsible for helping them achieve that in the best way I knew how. In an exercise on gratitude, we had to go around the table and talk about what we were grateful for and this is what I said:
 
“Coming to India for the first time, I couldn’t be happier that you guys were the first people I got to meet, interact with, and get to know. You guys are like my Indian brothers.”
 
Then of course, I got all shy and nervous, and probably said something weird. We did end the session with a group hug, which was warm and fuzzy, and not-so-awkward.
 
It was in that moment, I recalled my own purpose and just how important it was. It wasn’t just about happiness. It was about saving lives. And if I could help them bring that back to their company, they could in turn save thousands more lives. I recalled a conversation with an Indian life coach, “Did you know that every hour in India, a student kills themselves? Every hour.”

And at the end of the bootcamp on the 3rd day, as we are saying our goodbyes, Anil turns to me and says, "Kyla, if you're ever in India again, don't hesitate to let us know. Between all of us we have got you covered, we will take care of you." I look up at my other Indian brothers' faces and they are all nodding in agreement. Prakash appeared with some gratitude gifts he had purchased for us and the Delivering Happiness book by Tony Hsieh for me.

Now, that's connection.

Thanks, guys. 

The Sari
"You are pulling off a sari very well, Kyla."
"You look good in a sari..."

People were coming up to me throughout day 3 and shaking my hand while complimenting my sari--the sari. It was the closest I have ever felt to Bollywood royalty...

I briefly mentioned to Jaya, one of the bootcamp staff members who is a communications coach, that it was always a dream of mine to buy and wear a sari. She took this to heart. On our second night together, she took it upon herself to take me to Irya (a part of Mumbai where they sell saris), bargained for me, and the following morning, came to my hotel room to help me put it on. She even lent me her chori (sari top), some silver earrings, and placed a pink bindi on my forehead (!).

Along the way, in our auto-rickshaw, I learned about her extraordinary life view: helping others, spending time getting to know others, spreading happiness, educating others to communicate in a way that was purposeful and connected. I was completely blown away...I mean, it was like taking an auto-rickshaw with a spiritual guru. 

Wow.
​
Anthony Bourdain
About a week ago, a good childhood friend of mine encouraged me to reach out to our old middle school French teacher. So I did. Turns out he remembered me and was happy to hear from me. We connected on FB and caught up on almost 25 years of our lives on FB messenger. Recently he posted how he had actually met Anthony Bourdain many years ago, not even really knowing who he was, and was heartened by how down-to-earth and friendly he was after he found out that he was Anthony Bourdain.
 
I was struck by how many people I knew had actually met Anthony Bourdain. It was like the 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon thing. Everyone began posting photos of Anthony Bourdain on their FB walls.
 
Gosh, we really are more connected than we could ever imagine…Anthony Bourdain, Kate Spade, heck, anyone and everyone who has ever been depressed my mom and I included.
 
The Cheat Sheet
Sitting at the table, our table #4, a table I had hesitantly walked over to on the first day of the workplace happiness bootcamp, and looking at the faces of my Indian brothers on day 3, I understood what that cheat sheet for not just workplace happiness but personal happiness would look like if there ever was one: connection + purpose.
 
In our increasingly tech-driven world, we are more and more socially isolated than ever. Our ancestors sought solace in communities: eating together, hunting together, protecting, and supporting each other. Those communities are now called workplaces.
 
But if you can create and sustain connection and purpose not only in your personal lives and work lives, imagine how many Kate Spades and Anthony Bourdains you could save? I thought about all of the rejections I had faced in the past with regards to my own purpose: “Kyla, who is going to pay you for happiness?” “Why would you try to make Korea happy? Wouldn’t it be easier for you to start your business in the U.S.?” “Corporations only care about ROI, not happiness.”
 
Beyond the data that I live and breathe about personal and workplace happiness and how employees are not only happier, but more productive, more innovative, sales increase, retention rates increase, sick leave decreases, blah, blah blah, isn’t it our moral obligation as humans to help each other be happier? Be more connected? Live our purpose?
 
And just connect WITH each other. Go on, may the force be WITH you.

*Dedicated to the Kate Spades and Anthony Bourdains we are more connected WITH than we ever thought.
*Inspired by everyone who battles depression on a daily basis. You are not alone. You are more connected WITH us than you ever thought.

It turns out the COUR in COURAGE comes from the Latin word COR meaning "heart." Back in the day, COURAGE meant "to speak one's mind by telling all one's heart." (Read more here). Wow, it literally comes from the HEART. I saw a meme once and posted it on Facebook: "Happiness is a form of Courage." It really resonated WITH me.

This year, I feel like it has come up for me. A lot.

In June, I heard about this 3-day Corporate Happiness Bootcamp in Mumbai. I signed up at the last minute on a whim not knowing I actually needed a visa. I ended up getting my visa approved at the ninth hour (!), packing quickly, and getting on a plane.

Thank you, Internet.

During the bootcamp, I was inspired by an Indian guy named Hemal. (Incidentally his name in Korean means "seafood.") He and his wife had started OktoBuzz, a digital marketing company based in Mumbai. He would stand up during the bootcamp and share all of the cool things they had been doing to spark and sustain happiness in the workplace.

Gathering a bit of COURAGE, and full of giddy happiness, I approached him at the end of the 3 days and asked if I could bring The Happiness Workshop to OktoBuzz.

"I have a crazy idea..." I began and before I continued, he replied, "I love crazy..."

That's how you know it's the beginning of not just a good conversation, but a great one.

The day I was due at OktoBuzz, my own head was abuzz: I was texting back and forth with Neha, Hemal's wife and co-founder, I was prepping my human power point at the same time, trying to figure out how I would navigate my way there, cutting pieces of paper, and trying not to panic too much.

I ended up taking a taxi to their office. It's close to a bazaar which was jam-packed full of people, people on bikes, auto rickshaws, cars, the incessant sounds of honking. I remember looking out of the window and thinking:

What have I gotten myself into?
What if I can't find the office?
What if they don't like the workshop?
What if...what if...what if...

And then I thought about just how much I believed in what I was doing and just how courageous-- full of heart--I was and how my work allowed me to push the boundaries of COURAGE in the form of HAPPINESS.

Whoa.

"We have an open door policy here," Hemal said with his kind and gentle demeanor after I had hesitantly knocked on his office door. "Anyone can come in, even if we are interviewing."

Whoa.

"Would you like some snacks and tea?" Neha asked warmly. The other staff members generously offered me a plate of deep fried goodness in the form of Indian snacks and a tea guy showed up with chai.

Whoa.

"We can go outside and run around in the parking lot..." Hemal offered in response to my concern about space for a communication game I had wanted us to play.

Whoa.

It turned out to be one of those incredible workshops. In fact, one of THE most incredible workshops I have ever done. In that cozy, Harry Potter-themed, open door, snack + chai filled office, the OktoBuzz staff had done all of the activities eagerly, joyfully, and WITH full hearts.

In the organized chaos of the streets of Mumbai, teams went out to spread HAPPINESS full heartedly, unabashedly WITH COURAGE.

Then it dawned on me over the most delicious dosa dinner ever with Neha and Hemal, as they recalled how they had met, fallen in love, and then given birth, if you will to OktoBuzz, that they too were COURAGEOUS.

They had created this company from the ground up (which by any stretch of the imagination is tough enough) but on top of that, they had dared to HAPPIFY their workplace and workforce.

I have to say, they were all already super HAPPY before The Happiness Workshop even began.

"Yeah, a lot of our staff will shop around and go to other startups, but they will inevitably come back to us since we prioritize HAPPINESS in the workplace," Hemal explained humbly while Neha nodded.

After treating me to such an incredible dosa meal, and patiently explaining what each dish was, they drove me all the way back to my hotel--almost an hour's drive. Before I got out, Neha turned to me and presented me with a gift: "We hang this above doors to ward away evil spirits." It was a beautiful and ornate string of gold leaves with Ganesha (the Hindu god of new beginnings, success, wisdom and the remover of obstacles) in the center. I remember thinking to myself after I profusely thanked them: How on earth did they find the time to get this gift for me? What an amazing couple.

That night, back in my hotel room, reflecting on the incredible day I had had, I thought: If I had not been COURAGEOUS enough to come to Mumbai for the first time solo, if I had not been COURAGEOUS enough to attend the Corporate Happiness Bootcamp, if I had not been COURAGEOUS enough to approach Hemal and Neha at the end of the Bootcamp, I would have never experienced any of, well, anything (!). And my HAPPINESS level would have not been at an all time high...

How many of us hold ourselves back from taking that COURAGEOUS leap: small, medium, or big?

Recently, I met a woman named Ai. She currently lives in Korea, but she is originally from China. This woman to me really embodied COURAGE. She left a stable job as a Communication Studies professor in the U.S., a job she had worked really hard to get, and had taken the leap to become a digital nomad/eduentrepreneur, as well as inspire others to take that same leap. She started from zero and today she is a top writer for Medium, a prolific blogger, live streamer, social influencer, and was recently featured in Forbes. Check out the article here.

In our first meeting yesterday, she said, "We need to empower our selves." That sentence stayed WITH me. I mean, we are always looking for empowerment externally. We see famous people, celebrities, we FOLLOW people on social media passively. Yet when it comes to our selves, we are constantly working on perfecting that next selfie.

So here's to taking just one step on that HAPPINESS journey. Whether it takes you to a "Mumbai," or an unfamiliar crowded bazaar, or to start your own thing--as long as you are empowering your SELF, WITH heart, COURAGE, you know you're on the right track.

*Inspired by and dedicated to the Nehas, Hemals, and Ais of this world who dare WITH COURAGE to be HAPPY.*

NEW YORK
"You should go to this." It was a simple and short text with a HUGE message and attachment. A friend of mine from high school had suggested I attend the World Happiness Summit (WOHASU) in Miami. 

I was in New York prepping for my first ever public Happiness Workshop (set for May 2018), so Miami didn't seem like that much of a schlep. Within minutes, I had rearranged my flight back to Korea, booked tickets to Miami, and was perusing hotels.com for hotel deals. Oh and I decided to apply to be a "Tribe Facilitator," in WOHASU speak means a coach who leads daily discussions with attendees.

I was psyched when I found out soon after, I would be able to attend my very first WOHASU event as a Tribe Facilitator--WOOOOOOT!

MIAMI
The event was everything it promised to be and more: positive psychology + happiness experts from around the globe who were humble, down-to-earth, and the kinds of humans you wanted to just hangout with when your plane gets delayed 5 hours (true story: I spent a few hours with one of the Google speakers who was on my flight to San Francisco). The people in my tribe were eager to learn, excited to create change, and had already done a bulk of the legwork themselves.

But it was the other tribe facilitators who were truly living and breathing their creed. 

THE COACH TRIBE
On a whim, I decided to see if some of the other tribe facilitators wanted to grab dinner the evening before the event started. A handful responded to my FB post, and admittedly, I did have images of me eating alone in a Tapas restaurant...but everyone showed up, and boy did they continue to show up for me and each other throughout the conference.

3 HAPPY LESSONS LEARNED:

1. PUT THE HOURS IN: One of the speakers who was talking about purpose and meaning asked a pointed question: "How many hours do we spend studying other subjects in school?" I immediately thought of Korea and the grueling amount of time people study/work. Then he asked, "How much time have you spent learning about yourself?" Wow. Not enough. Then I looked around at my coach tribe, and thought, they have all definitely put in the work to learn about themselves and it shows.
2. HOW DO YOU WANT TO BE (NOT WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE)? Whenever I would talk to one of the coach tribers, their focus was completely on me, their cell phones were away, they made eye contact, they were fully present, and super energetic/enthusiastic despite the conference's crazy schedule. At times, I almost felt less than deserving of all this attention, but then I thought: how checked out have we come as a society that when people actually pay attention to you, you feel special?
3. DON'T BE AN ASSHOLE (NO MATTER WHAT YOU HAVE ACCOMPLISHED): One of the highlights of the conference for me, was meeting a Happiness Hero of mine, Mo Gawdat. He wrote Solve for Happy, which has changed 93% of of readers' lives. I am part of that 93%. I also wrote about him in a previous blog post. Serendipitously, some of the coach tribers and I ended up sitting next to him at lunch one day. They encouraged me to go up to him and talk to him after hearing how much I adored him. So I did. I was greeted with a hug, humor, down-to-earthness, and later on an email message (as I sent him my blog post). How cool is that?

​
After the conference many of the coach tribers wrote messages of GRATITUDE, LOVE, THOUGHTFULNESS, KINDNESS + more on our FB group page. I was in disbelief. I mean, how much more amazing can a group of people be? Imagine if the world were full of people who did the EQ work, lived and breathed it fully, and then gracefully shared it WITH others?

Gosh, ​I'm just happy thinking about it. 

*Dedicated to and inspired by my coach tribers. May you continue to love + lead with happiness, kindness, compassion, and everything else this world needs to succeed.*

Life Goals: Be rich, make big money, make money, $$. Not my life goals, but my university students' life goals. 

"Can money buy you happiness?" I ask curiously, trying not to sound too judgy.
"Well, I think so. I can buy many things. That will make me happy..."

I couldn't help but feel disappointed. This isn't just happening in image-obsessed Korea. One of the things I remembered clearly from the TED Talk given by Robert Waldinger about the longest study on happiness in history pointed out that 80% millennials wanted to be rich and 50% wanted to be famous. Check out the TED Talk here.  I get it. In a world where you can transfer money, download music, order delivery, and swipe left/right to date, who wouldn't want to be insta-famous/rich?

What ever happened to the struggle though? Do you remember having to make mixed tapes? Or anything in fact where you had to struggle? Wasn't the result that much sweeter? When I was in high school, we would painstakingly make mixed tapes for each other as gifts. It meant something. It took time, effort, agile fingers (to press pause/stop). Maybe the recipients of my mixed tape gifts weren't that impressed, but I certainly was. Yeah Ace of Base!

Next week, I will be going to Norway to speak at a global women's conference, where I will be giving my Happiness Workshop I created, and have brought around the world. Since I won't be able to teach during that week, I decided to assign my students The HAPPY video project (part of my Happiness Workshop) where they have to go around campus and make as many people around them as happy as possible.

Several students asked, "Is this mandatory?"

To them I ask another question, "Is HAPPINESS mandatory in your life?" I just get blank stares in response. But here's why we should choose happiness: the myth that being SUCCESSFUL comes first and then HAPPINESS comes second is just that: a myth. HAPPINESS comes first, and then SUCCESS follows. There's a reason people tell you to not follow the money, but follow your heart instead. For more on this research, check out Shawn Achor's work.

I get a lot of students who look at me in bewilderment and ask in disbelief, "How can you be happy ALL the time?"

Here's the HOW:

• BALANCE: After my mom was diagnosed with early onset dementia, I felt the earth shift from under my feet and shake me to my very core. Grappling with my depression soon after, I realized that to everything in life, there needs to be balance. I can't be sad all the time, but I can make the choice to CHOOSE HAPPY to balance some of that sadness.
• GRATITUDE: For over a year now, I started a gratitude journal. Research shows that people who keep gratitude journals overall, have a higher satisfaction with their lives. To me, it helped to maintain that balance in my life. Rather than dwelling on all the negatives, it helped me focus on all that I was grateful for. In case you want to read about the other benefits, there are a ton of benefits.
• MINDFULNESS: Ok, so I couldn't really get into meditation. I did give it a good go, but being present, taking mindful breaths and not stressing about the past/future is also key to balance. My all time favorite mindfulness activity is mindful EATING. Why don't you try it? Take yourself out to your favorite restaurant, or cook yourself your favorite meal at home, turn off any electronic devices and just savor every single bite. You can thank me later.
• POSITIVE MINDSET: I was the epitome of Negative Nelly before I met my hubby. Both of my parents tend towards negativity, although that has been shifting as of late. So it is possible that even if you grew up around negativity, you can change later in life. My husband always sees the positive in the negative, and solutions rather than complaints, no matter what. Period. And he is one of the most successful people I know. I didn't realize how all humans tend toward negativity, until I read Shola Richards'* book called Making Work Work. Did you know that humans have about 60,000 thoughts per day? Of which 95% are repetitive and 80% are negative? WHAAAAT?!
• BEING ACTIVE (OFFLINE): I feel like people are just running around in a device fog. Some students have even confessed to me that they have fallen down, glued to their cell phone screens, as opposed to looking where they're going (that's in life and just walking around). In a study on users who didn't use Facebook for a week, they were 1 point happier than the control group whose overall happiness level actually declined because they continued to use Facebook. In another study done by Harvard Business Review, they found that Facebook users overall mental health declined. Basically, the more people used Facebook, the worse they felt. So get offline, go exercise, get lost, take a hike, and don't post it on Facebook!!!!!
• IN-PERSON RELATIONSHIPS: This point is kind of related to my previous point about Facebook. Yes, we need to keep updated with who is vacationing on a picture perfect beach or drool over that plate of food, but going back to that Harvard study on Happiness, the one thing that kept people happy, and kept people living longer, was human in-person relationships regardless of socioeconomic status and money. So take that, Millennials!

As I struggle to convince an entire country why they need to choose HAPPY--a country that statistically needs it the most--perhaps I am TOO balanced, grateful, mindful, positive, active, focused on cherishing in-person relationships (ie. HAPPY)? And perhaps that struggle will result in the most awesome mixed tape ever.

Will you choose HAPPY?

*I actually was so taken by Shola's book, that mid-reading, I emailed him to ask if we could connect/collaborate. He actually emailed me back, and we had a phone call while I was in California last month! Such a cool guy. If you can get your hands on his book, I highly recommend it. Oh and Shola, like my husband, is living/breathing proof that being HAPPY -> SUCCESS.

**This blog post is dedicated to my husband: A man who chooses HAPPY every single day, regardless of the struggle.