Why Choose HAPPY?

Life Goals: Be rich, make big money, make money, $$. Not my life goals, but my university students' life goals. 

"Can money buy you happiness?" I ask curiously, trying not to sound too judgy.
"Well, I think so. I can buy many things. That will make me happy..."

I couldn't help but feel disappointed. This isn't just happening in image-obsessed Korea. One of the things I remembered clearly from the TED Talk given by Robert Waldinger about the longest study on happiness in history pointed out that 80% millennials wanted to be rich and 50% wanted to be famous. Check out the TED Talk here.  I get it. In a world where you can transfer money, download music, order delivery, and swipe left/right to date, who wouldn't want to be insta-famous/rich?

What ever happened to the struggle though? Do you remember having to make mixed tapes? Or anything in fact where you had to struggle? Wasn't the result that much sweeter? When I was in high school, we would painstakingly make mixed tapes for each other as gifts. It meant something. It took time, effort, agile fingers (to press pause/stop). Maybe the recipients of my mixed tape gifts weren't that impressed, but I certainly was. Yeah Ace of Base!

Next week, I will be going to Norway to speak at a global women's conference, where I will be giving my Happiness Workshop I created, and have brought around the world. Since I won't be able to teach during that week, I decided to assign my students The HAPPY video project (part of my Happiness Workshop) where they have to go around campus and make as many people around them as happy as possible.

Several students asked, "Is this mandatory?"

To them I ask another question, "Is HAPPINESS mandatory in your life?" I just get blank stares in response. But here's why we should choose happiness: the myth that being SUCCESSFUL comes first and then HAPPINESS comes second is just that: a myth. HAPPINESS comes first, and then SUCCESS follows. There's a reason people tell you to not follow the money, but follow your heart instead. For more on this research, check out Shawn Achor's work.

I get a lot of students who look at me in bewilderment and ask in disbelief, "How can you be happy ALL the time?"

Here's the HOW:

• BALANCE: After my mom was diagnosed with early onset dementia, I felt the earth shift from under my feet and shake me to my very core. Grappling with my depression soon after, I realized that to everything in life, there needs to be balance. I can't be sad all the time, but I can make the choice to CHOOSE HAPPY to balance some of that sadness.
• GRATITUDE: For over a year now, I started a gratitude journal. Research shows that people who keep gratitude journals overall, have a higher satisfaction with their lives. To me, it helped to maintain that balance in my life. Rather than dwelling on all the negatives, it helped me focus on all that I was grateful for. In case you want to read about the other benefits, there are a ton of benefits.
• MINDFULNESS: Ok, so I couldn't really get into meditation. I did give it a good go, but being present, taking mindful breaths and not stressing about the past/future is also key to balance. My all time favorite mindfulness activity is mindful EATING. Why don't you try it? Take yourself out to your favorite restaurant, or cook yourself your favorite meal at home, turn off any electronic devices and just savor every single bite. You can thank me later.
• POSITIVE MINDSET: I was the epitome of Negative Nelly before I met my hubby. Both of my parents tend towards negativity, although that has been shifting as of late. So it is possible that even if you grew up around negativity, you can change later in life. My husband always sees the positive in the negative, and solutions rather than complaints, no matter what. Period. And he is one of the most successful people I know. I didn't realize how all humans tend toward negativity, until I read Shola Richards'* book called Making Work Work. Did you know that humans have about 60,000 thoughts per day? Of which 95% are repetitive and 80% are negative? WHAAAAT?!
• BEING ACTIVE (OFFLINE): I feel like people are just running around in a device fog. Some students have even confessed to me that they have fallen down, glued to their cell phone screens, as opposed to looking where they're going (that's in life and just walking around). In a study on users who didn't use Facebook for a week, they were 1 point happier than the control group whose overall happiness level actually declined because they continued to use Facebook. In another study done by Harvard Business Review, they found that Facebook users overall mental health declined. Basically, the more people used Facebook, the worse they felt. So get offline, go exercise, get lost, take a hike, and don't post it on Facebook!!!!!
• IN-PERSON RELATIONSHIPS: This point is kind of related to my previous point about Facebook. Yes, we need to keep updated with who is vacationing on a picture perfect beach or drool over that plate of food, but going back to that Harvard study on Happiness, the one thing that kept people happy, and kept people living longer, was human in-person relationships regardless of socioeconomic status and money. So take that, Millennials!

As I struggle to convince an entire country why they need to choose HAPPY--a country that statistically needs it the most--perhaps I am TOO balanced, grateful, mindful, positive, active, focused on cherishing in-person relationships (ie. HAPPY)? And perhaps that struggle will result in the most awesome mixed tape ever.

Will you choose HAPPY?

*I actually was so taken by Shola's book, that mid-reading, I emailed him to ask if we could connect/collaborate. He actually emailed me back, and we had a phone call while I was in California last month! Such a cool guy. If you can get your hands on his book, I highly recommend it. Oh and Shola, like my husband, is living/breathing proof that being HAPPY -> SUCCESS.

**This blog post is dedicated to my husband: A man who chooses HAPPY every single day, regardless of the struggle.